Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
PANTIES FOUND
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