he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
