he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
