Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
