I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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