Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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