so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have aggressive nipples.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
