Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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