somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
