I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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