the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
