Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
