Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
