tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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