I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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