I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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