after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
