got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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