Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
