Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
