Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
