Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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