i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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