If that was your dad, he is hot
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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