think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
