Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
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Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
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