Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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