ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
