just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
