i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
