Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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