Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
