shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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