My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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