We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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