we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Im part way to drunk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
