Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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