God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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