Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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