Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
