before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
