I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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