apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
