Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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