I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
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You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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