I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
