He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
