Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
