lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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