brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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