Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
