I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
