Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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