I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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