he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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