You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
