Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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