PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
