Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
