Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
