just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
